Friday, February 03, 2012

All Done, Right?

     I'm always surprised that people assume that taking medication is the end. I guess it is for many things. If you get a headache, you take an Advil and that's it. There's nothing more to discuss. Just take your meds and everything is perfect again. Magic. I wish that was the case with Hashimoto's disease because I like to plan things. What I'm doing tomorrow, how long I'm going to be on the treadmill, what I'm cooking for supper, if I'm going to play darts, etc. I like planning things. It helps me feel like I'm in control of something. Even though I take my medication, there's no magic release from this disease. I don't get to keep control. Hashimotos disease takes that control away. Simple tasks such as going to the grocery store can suddenly become a panic attack. Now, I don't usually get panic attacks, but I do get severe anxiety. Where I feel that I can't drive. I'm not sure what I'm afraid of, but it's something, and it stops me from leaving the house some days. And it's so easy to just let it. Let it take over. Some days I don't have the fight in me to stop it from taking over. So I stay home. I let it prevent me from going anywhere. I don't go to darts, I don't go to get groceries, I don't go pick up my prescriptions. Some days it hits me so hard that I don't even get on my treadmill. And I love my treadmill. So, everything gets put off a day. Or two. Today is one of those days. I need to pick up my prescription. Actually force myself to phone it in first. But knowing I have to drive there to get it - I can feel the anxiety build. It's not logical though. I've driven there many times. It's an easy drive. It's not even a difficult parking lot. Yet this anxiety is there and I have to push it away. I hope I can push it away enough to get me out of the house.

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